Quotes by Joe Rogan (Comedian/American).

Showing 1-25 of 60
Votes
[+]
16
[-]
The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing's more disgusting than a guy who steals another person's ideas and tries to claim them as his own.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
12
[-]
On my left knee I have a long scar from an ACL operation. I've had both knees reconstructed.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
14
[-]
After this whole acting thing is over and done, you eventually have to be human. Some people are never human. It's very weird.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
22
[-]
I talk so much about sex that girls just want to meet me.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
9
[-]
I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generation, and Groucho is certainly one of them.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
21
[-]
Stand-up is still my favorite, but the podcast is a close second. It's so fun, and it's given me the opportunity to have three-hour conversations with people I wouldn't have otherwise been able to talk to. When I talked to Maynard Keenan from Tool, I almost couldn't believe it was happening.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
23
[-]
No matter how civilized we are and how much society has curbed violent behavior. Human beings still have the same genes they had 10,000 years ago. Our bodies are designed to have a certain amount of physical stress and violence in them. We're designed to run from jaguars and fight to defend our territory.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
16
[-]
I think that one of the reasons why people look towards the end of humanity is that people are afraid to die alone. If you die alone, the people you love will miss you, or if they die, you miss them - the sorrow is inevitable. When you truly love someone, the thought of losing them forever is horrible.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
10
[-]
I see martial arts as moving forms of meditation. When you're sparring or drilling techniques, you can't think of anything else.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
9
[-]
I've done jiujitsu a huge chunk of my life, and I try to spend a lot of time educating people on the nuances, the subtleness of the ground game. It's a big part of mixed martial arts.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
7
[-]
When you snatch little pieces of other people's lives and try to palm them off as your own, that's more disgusting than anything. Robin Williams is a huge thief. Denis Leary is a huge thief. His whole stand-up career is based on Bill Hicks, a brilliant guy who died years ago.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
6
[-]
Any comic like myself owes everything he has to Lenny Bruce. He was the originator. The godfather of uncensored American stand-up is clearly Lenny Bruce.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
10
[-]
The planet's spinning a thousand miles an hour around this gigantic nuclear explosion while these people roll these machines with rubber tires over this hard surface that we've laid down over the planet so that we can easily move ourselves back and forth.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
16
[-]
Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
10
[-]
I'm afraid of heights. Not unreasonably, but rationally afraid of heights. I think everyone is.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
6
[-]
So many times I've done a CD, and then the week after I record it, I've got this new tagline that's killer. And it makes the whole bit better. It happens all the time. But that's just the process of comedy.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
7
[-]
Dick Gregory was a great comedian who went and got arrested, did hunger strikes, protests. It never hurt his career to be outspoken.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
21
[-]
If someone plays a brooding actor in a film, people think they're brooding all the time.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
11
[-]
The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
5
[-]
Never stay in a bad marriage, and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
22
[-]
Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
16
[-]
The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
15
[-]
When someone comes along and expresses him or herself as freely as they think, people flock to it. They enjoy it.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
15
[-]
As a longtime practitioner of yoga and a person who's been involved in physical fitness my whole life, I can tell you, yoga helps you achieve altered states of consciousness. It is not just stretching. The only way you can say that it's stretching is if you haven't done it, or that you haven't done it rigorously for a long period of time.
• Joe Rogan
Votes
[+]
11
[-]
Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick.
• Joe Rogan

Top 10 Topics

Matter3167
Somebody2648
Start3330
Father3160
Woman3270
Good16385
Wise509
Hate1865
Guy2846
Government3597
Back to Top